“The between-stages elevator “cutscene” is… an interesting touch.”
– from the full review.

You know how I said Metal Fighter was my favorite Color Dreams game? My one top pick on top of a slew of poor unlicensed NES carts?

Ladies and gentlemen, I present my favorite American Video Entertainment game.

You can file this in the “NES Games That Are Not Quite As Horrible As Many Would Say, But Are Still Certainly Not Much Good” folder, along with such non-classics as Battleship, Terminator, and Jaws.

You know what this game is? X-Men with better A.I. and weapon selection. In other words: Deathbots is a notch or two better than X-Men. Seriously.

Plus: This badass box art.

It is a shame and a tragedy, in my mind, that a better team was not able to flesh out the Deathbots concept into a grander, more wonderful experience. The inventory management, world scale, and other elements of this game had real potential, honestly. But when eight robots are firing at you from down the hall and you cannot get the stupid door to open, the frustrations tend to outweigh the positives.

Nonetheless, this is a game I would love to come back to someday, and try to beat. I can make it to level 6 on a good day. There is a strange, addicting appeal upon repeat playthroughs — a certain tactical sense, making you think, “Maybe if I switch to the Blaster Rifle here, charge through those three bots, pick up the battery, use the teleport, skip the rest of the bots in this room, hit the warp…”

Is this a great 8-bt video game? No. But if you love old-school challenges, you might want to try this one out.

Read The Full Review For: Use of the terms “half-assery” and “full-assery,” along with a more pointed examination of both Deathbots pros and its cons.

NES Gameplay Tips For Deathbots: Learn to recognize when it is worth skipping all the robots in a room in order to simply dash to the exit instead. Even a partial-health-restoring battery is not worth losing half your HP for. Also, never use the basic pistol. Yeah, that crappy red thing with the scope on top that you start out with, that has 99 shots per clip? Once you get something else, get rid of that thing and never look back. Better to cycle through better weapons and have blank item slots than be stuck with that low-powered, low-range abomination. But the really big guns, the bazooka-lookin’ thing and the massive sniper rifle? Save those for the bosses. Seriously, the yellow laser rifle and the larger gray cannon should be fine for most of the bots in the game. Oh, grenades: The big ones for bosses (so great for bosses), little ones for enemy clusters. Do not be stingy with using batteries; remember, when you lose a life, you keep your items, but not when you continue. You want to go as long as possible without having to continue, since restarting in the same later level, but with just the basic pistol, really sucks.

Screenshots kaboom:

Weird use of primary colors aside, more games could have benefited from this type of inventory management.

First boss! And maybe the coolest-looking one, too.

DON’T MIND ME JUST WALKING THROUGH THE WALL HERE

BAWSS

“Perhaps the most intriguing item-driven mechanic, however, is how Whomp ‘Em handles extra lives: The “magic potion” item essentially is an extra life, but the player is limited to holding three at a time. This is a strange, different-from-the-norm way to handle an extra-life mechanic. It does seem to add some tension, as it removes the possibility of simply hoarding dozens of lives, as can be done in other games, while also making it a priority at times to hunt for those crucial hidden potions.”
– from the full review, which you can read here.

This is one of those oft-overlooked hidden gems.

I am really not sure what informal, first-person thoughts to add on this game, as I think the full review covers my thoughts pretty well. I can give a bland summary of “It’s good, but not great; worth a look, but has some flaws,” but that is hardly anything amazing.

I will say this, I guess: Whomp ‘Em gets accused of being a Mega Man clone, but I will defend it. For two reasons: First, because how is being a Mega Man clone a bad thing? Seriously, of all the game-progression formulas to copy, Mega Man is a really good one. Secondly, because although some elements are definitely derivative of the Mega Man franchise of the NES era, others are not. In other words: It is more than just a Mega Man clone, even if it is not as good as the best Mega Man games. Got it?

I will say this, too: That final level is torture.

Oh, and I recently found a half-decent way to make NES gameplay .gifs! I am so excited! Whomp ‘Em was my test subject.

Read The Full Review For: Much more in-depth critical commentary on what makes this game good, what its flaws are, descriptions of some of the mechanics at work, etc. Quick note/plug: If you would like to just read my NES game reviews, without the informal blog thoughts, you can subscribe to get those updates directly through email.

NES Gameplay Tips for Whomp ‘Em: Learn to mostly just rely on your basic spear attack. Swing your spear through the air everywhere if you need extra lives, because potions are hidden invisibly. Remember your downward and upward strikes, as they are your most effective friends against some enemies. If you can avoid it, never touch bosses, as some of them instantly take away extra lives. Also, I would recommend utilizing this exploit that I explain in the video, in order to max out your health bar early in the game:

I think this game has great visuals, so I have a bunch of screenshots. Enjoy.

“Seriously, fielding is a nightmare: The ballpark is small, the fielders run terribly slowly, and diagonal movement is a clunky joke.”
– from the full review, which you can read here.

Remember NBA Jam?

My friend got NBA Jam first, on Sega Genesis. We played the crap out of it. So fun, whether head-to-head or on a team. We were constantly trying to one-up each other in either case, seeing who could bury them most threes (remember, I grew up in Indiana, idolizing the long-ball play of Reggie Miller), or perhaps block a dunk. Shoving matches were always a must, of course.

NBA Jam was a sports game that understood how to use gimmicks. Sure, the high-flying slam dunks were very over-the-top, to an absurd extent. But they were amazing! And, really, they just represented the usual high-percentage shot of a close-up jam anyway, not any actual foundation-breaking advance.

Then there was the “on fire” concept, which naturally reflected the tendency, even of real-life shooters, to be “in the zone” on a can’t-miss streak. It was so cool to literally (well, digitally literally) watch the net burst into flames when your athlete was on fire. Combine that with backboard-breaking, fun announcing (“THE NAIL IN THE COFFIN!”), and real Association rosters, and you had yourself a nearly perfect formula for fun.

The field selection might be my favorite feature of this game, to be honest.

Heck, I ended up getting my own version eventually: NBA Jam Tournament Edition! Battery saves, and expanded rosters? Wow! I was in arcade-style basketball-game heaven! A fantastic mix of gimmickry and realism; as realistic as a Jam game could be, I suppose. Talking about it now makes me tempted to pick up the Wii version.

Then, later, I tried College Slam, the SNES game, even as someone who does not follow college basketball (no, I do not even fill out brackets).

That one took gimmicks a bit too far. Eight-point shots? Players turning into miniature tornadoes and knocking everyone down? Customizable players, with no limits on the statistical rating they could be given?

It was absurd, overblown — and clearly inferior to NBA Jam.

Which brings us to Baseball Simulation 1.000.

Interesting: Batting screen animates a little after contact, unlike most baseball games.

I do not think it is a bad game. But it is a little too ambitious: In striving to be both a robust simulation, yet also with wacky arcade-style Ultra Moves, it proves to be a bit watered-down as a mix. The Ultras are an annoyance as often as they are a help. And the core mechanics, the actual “how does this baseball game feel on the field” part of the game, is lacking.

If I want gimmicks in my baseball game, I will stick to Base Wars, and even that suffers from Gimmick Fatigue eventually.

Nonetheless, it does stick out among the NES baseball library, and is worth a shot. Its unique combination of traits and characteristics will inevitably be embraced by some.

Most colorful scoreboard model ever. Also note the in-game advertising.

NES Gameplay Tips For Baseball Simulator 1.000: Throw strikeouts, and not walks. Hit home runs, not pop flies. Catch every ball batted. Steal bases constantly. Win games, rather than lose them. I dunno; with the Utra Moves, suggesting actual tips for this game seems silly. Y’know, usual baseball stuff?

Read The Full Review For: I am no fool. I know this game has its fans. If you truly question why I do not consider this among the top-tier baseball games on NES, read the review. Or blame my fondness for the R.B.I. Baseball series.

Also unlike most NES baseball titles: The “FAIR” call during a live ball.

The brown fields are kinda ugly, in my opinion. Eh. Also: The pitcher has burst into flames. It happens.

So old-school it hurts. Seriously, this game is painful. Torturous, really.

“There are infinite continues, but are they enough to overcome the hundreds of attempts it may take to make significant progress? How soon will the player realize how much time of their life is being wasted? Why do half the enemies arrive on-screen with an ear-slicing scream?”
– from the full review, which you can read here.

We can put this in the “Too Frustratingly Difficult To Be Anywhere Near As Fun As A Game That Is Actually Great” file, alongside stuff like Silver Surfer. But at least in this one, you can get hit twice before you die.

Look, I know this is a much-beloved game, and some even count it among their favorites (yo, Cat DeSpira!), but I just can’t get into it. I’m lucky if I can reach the second level. You can make fun of me for not being among the most elite NES players of all time, but I think the fruit of my labor is better spent on pursuits other than mastering a game I do not consider very fun.

It is constructed well, though, and has some bright spots of iconic sentimentality. However, Ghosts ‘n Goblins also serves as a perfect case study in the errors of early arcade ports.

Also, really, why do the levels have a time limit?

Hurray for infinite continues. And AVGN videos.

On Twitter, @TepidSnake mentioned that the NES port of Ghosts ‘n Goblins was done by Micronics, a developer that is not exactly known for their animation skills or sound effects mastery. Not only does this explain some of the graphical oddity in Ghosts ‘n Goblins, but also all those screeching noises. Their work can also be seen in titles like Athena and Elevator Action.

Read The Full Review For: More in-depth analysis of the components of the gameplay, along with critical commentary thereof. Not to sound definitive as to what the point of a formal review is…

NES Gameplay Tips for Ghosts ‘n Goblins: LOL.

Shots:

@#$%.

@#$%.

THE GLORIOUS SIGHT OF LEVEL 2

@#$%.

Nifty title screen.

“This sytem of carefully traversing the environment forms the crux of Prince of Persia. You may love it or hate it, but this is what you get. All bets are placed on this concept of careful, intelligent level-beating.”
– from the full review, which you can read here.

Some video games, in reviewing them for the NES, are difficult to extricate objectively from their “more definitive” versions. But be assured, reader, that I always rate and review through the lens of the 8-bit library, on the game’s own merits, and as compared to other examples from its medium and genre.

Freerunner.

That being said: This is among the poorer ports of Prince of Persia, which is a classic game. I am actually a little more familiar with the Sega Genesis version, myself; which, at the very least, looks much better. Serious, NES developers of the time: What’s up with all the purple stone?

And, yes, this is another rescue-the-princess game, even if I do not think that is as horrible of a plot basis as it has become en vogue to think.

I do wish more games were made in this style. Blackthorne comes to mind, which was on SNES but I actually played my friend’s 32X version of more, and was quite fond of.

Password after every level. Good stuff.

NES Gameplay Tips For Prince of Persia: This game actually has a solid demo reel, not only showing off most of the movements, but even showing where to find the sword, along with a hidden ceiling panel to knock down. So, uh, maybe watch that before you begin. Otherwise, just proceed carefully and patiently, takes notes of potion locations (and whether they harm or heal), do not be afraid of death, and learn from your mistakes. This game can be a grueling, daunting challenge, but is still nowhere near as difficult as something like Battletoads, and probably for reasons that are more fair.

Read The Full Review For: A humorous-for-its-excess rundown of the move set and level features, a couple comparisons to other games (including one that, the more I think of it, the more apt I realize it is), general commentary and history, etc.

Ow.

EN GUARDE!

D'awww.

Classy, fun title screen. The intro scene is wonderful, too.

“Good stuff.”
– excerpt from the full review, which can be read here.

I have heard it said somewhere (probably on Twitter, right?) that the genre of sports simulations is the one category that retro gaming can claim supremacy in. I am not sure I am ready to confidently get behind that train of thought, but you can understand the point: There is something to be said for simplicity over complexity, pixel art over realism, Tecmo Bowl over Madden, lighthearted fun over hardcore competition, and other various factors. Just a thought to consider.

And if you like 8-bit baseball video games, boy, the NES was a treat, wasn’t it? There were about 20 baseball games for the console. More miraculously: Most of them are pretty good!

Bad News Baseball, in my opinion, is one of the better ones. This game hits a sweet spot of compromise between strict, tightly honed simulation and carefree, laidback arcade title. Some of the just-for-fun flourishes are obvious: Those goofy animations. The pink rabbit umpires (?!). The strangely not-quite-fitting background music.

But beneath the hood of this wagon is a robust, capable engine that purrs pleasingly under the colorful action and roars to life with very competent, confident precision. The baseball engine really knocks it out of the park, figuratively speaking.

… I couldn’t resist a baseball pun.

Strange-lookin’ fellow on the left? Yeah, I have no idea.

Read The Full Review For: Analysis of the baseball engine compared to other NES hardball titles, the topic of white supremacy, a little more fun with baseball puns, thoughts on the pursuit of perfection, and other coverage.

NES Gameplay Tips For Bad News Baseball: Practice. Don’t be a neanderthal and think that loading your line-up with as many home-run hitters as you can is the best way to go — trust me, having speed on the base paths is a very important part of offense, too. Due to the physics engine of this game, your baseball tactics are going to be slightly different than in other NES sims; for example, pitching is going to fully rely on trickery and pixel-perfect exploitation of swing-and-miss zones. On defense, take advantage of the A.I.’s odd tendency to send the runner back to first base when there is a tag out there from the oncoming batter.

I love how the players are K.O.ed on the basepaths whenever they get out.

Pitch-perfect grassy pixel background. Also: With enough home runs, eventually the “TODAY’S HOMERUNS” board just says “ETC,” haha.

Password insanity. If you thought Metroid and Kid Icarus were bad…

Classic. Gotta love Ahnold.

“Seriously: For a movie license money grab, Predator is not an outright atrocity.”
– from the full review, which you can read here.

I wanted to hate this game.

I entered fully prepared to unleash my deepest, most bilious forms of insult and general antagonism. I had seen the AVGN video that smeared this game, and armed with my own vague memories was ready to dig its grave.

But… it’s not horrible! In fact, it’s even — decent.

ProTip: First screen of the game. Grab that gun in upper-left corner before advancing.

I mean, really, I had fun playing through it. It does not represent an absolutely broken example of poor game design or mechanics. Sure, it has its faults, but it has its bright spots, too. The pacing is weird, the multiple Predators is bizarre, the alien environments are eyebrow-raising, and it has lots of other individual spots that can be examined critically…

Read the full review for more details, but more importantly, I would recommend trying Predator for yourself. Try it with zero expectations, and be honest. This is an average video game, not an awful one.

Read The Full Review For: Several game comparisons you may find interesting, more basic information about this game if you are completely unfamiliar, and a little more meat on the bones of my conclusions.

NES Gameplay Tips for Predator: During the precision-jumping portions, rather than run and jump, just jump from a stand-still and maneuver once airborne. Always for the Laser when you can. Do not be afraid of the Predator, he is a sissy.

Screenshot time:

Look closely: Those are skulls. Everywhere.

PREDATOR

Well that's... unpleasant.

BIG MODE! ... no, seriously, the game calls these levels "BIG MODE."

This title screen really says everything.

“A solid game, if a bit rough around the edges and collapsing under its own weight at times…”
– from the full review, which you can read here.

I guess I am on a shooter kick lately.

If you were to shove Abadox and Fantasy Zone in my face and say, “Quick! Pick one to play!” I would have to flip a coin. Both are quirky, visually memorable shooters, and both are satisfying, in their own way. Fantasy Zone is satisfying like the comfort of slipping into a familiar, cozy pair of slippers, in which you can maneuver about easily. Abadox is satisfying like that distinct sensation of clipping a toenail that needed trimming badly, or digging a crusty eye booger out of one’s socket.

How fitting.

Quick trivia: Yep, the same Natsume behind all the Harvest Moon games was behind Abadox, which is kinda surreal. They actually developed a few fine titles for the NES.

If you have never tried Abadox before, beware: It is a challenge. In fact, The Electric Frankfurter named it among the top 30 hardest NES games ever. But, somewhat like Contra and Life Force, have heart: There are cheat codes available if you need.

That, and infinite continues, although restarting a life without any power-ups becomes decreasingly useful as the game progresses.

Interestingly enough, Abadox is all about rescuing a princess. Go figure.

Read The Full Review For: Commentary on those luscious, delicious graphics, along with great sounds, too. More about the weapon variety, gameplay set-up, etc. Stuff.

NES Gameplay Tips for Abadox: Do not be intimidated by those big, gruesome bosses — not only are they often much easier to beat than the stages that precede them, but some can be beaten by exploiting a single spot on the screen that you will never take a hit from. Otherwise, this is a game where maneuverability is key, so exercise your precision hand-eye coordination and prepare to dodge just as many level elements as you will actual enemies. And those power-ups, those precious power-ups… once you have gathered up a handful and feel strong, I hope you have gotten some good practice in, because you need to treat them as though your chance of survival depends on keeping them intact. Because it does.

This really is a beautiful game (in its own weird way, I guess, but I mean that purely in pixel-art terms), so here are a bunch of screenshots for ya.

It all begins.

Frantic panic right away.

Zombie dog boss? Sure, bring on the undead canine. Giant, too. Or I'm just tiny...

ROCKET MAAAAAAAAN

Ah, the ol' "googly eyes" routine.

FREE FAAAAAAAALLING

Snake's Revenge.

Salamander...

Look at all those projectiles. LOOK AT THEM.

Lame robot is lame.

I love the background here. That is art.

This game officially has an eye fetish.

Another great image.

This part. Oh man. So fun. So anxious.

But this. THIS MOMENT. This is why we play video games.