John Elway’s Quarterback

Read the review here.

“The choice was John Elway, the NES video game was John Elway’s Quarterback, and the result was a bland ugly mess that hurt your ears and your soul. “
– from the full review, which you can read here.

This game is not worth using a lot of words to try and describe or grant insight into.


It can't even have correct grammer. Er, CANT.

I would show a screenshot of the actual gameplay, but it is just too ugly. I would hate to hurt your eyes.

In summary: At least it is a step above 10 Yard Fight. But, boy, that sure ain’t sayin’ much.

In the full review, I mention that this is a glitchy game, but do not mention many examples. One you will see repeatedly: On kick-offs, the player you control cannot go off-screen. In other words, despite the game’s “camera” following the flight path of the ball down the field, your character gets “stuck” at the screen border and rapidly shoved downfield. It is ridiculous, but it does allow for some monster tackles — try kicking to the sideline and lunging at the ball-carrier the first chance you get. You may end up making them run out of bounds, sometimes behind their own 10-yard line. Silly.

The computer is very stupid, with no sense of A.I. whatsoever. They will refuse to punt on any 4th down, play really weird defensive looks, and miss extra points.

I do not like this game.

Read The Full Review For: A revealing look at the one good sound effect in this game and the one that is damningly sickeningly awful, an examination of the critical play-calling flaws, a bad pun toward the end, and use of the word “sucky,” among other things. Like as tends to happen with bad games that frustrate me, this review has a looser, more informal feel to it — you can definitely sense my frustration, and it shows in more lighthearted, insulting writing.

NES Gameplay Tips for John Elway’s Quarterback: Master the dive length to make insane sacks of 20+ yards. Always throw a bit beyond your receiver. Run up against the line of scrimmage on defense until the ball is snapped. Running plays are stupid in this game.

One Response to “ John Elway’s Quarterback ”

  1. […] last 1.5-star review I did was John Elway’s Quarterback and, oddly enough, these words from that blog post apply to Dudes With Attitude as […]

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