Fisher-Price Perfect Fit



... Wow.

The impressively unimpressive title screen.

“For a puzzle video game that nearly completely relies on visual acuity, the visuals are lazy.”
– excerpt from the full review.

I mean, seriously?

PAGES UPON PAGES OF INSTRUCTIONS.

One of the very few NES video games of which I can accurately and honestly say that I would rather watch paint dry or grass grow. Seriously, at least watching grass grow sounds serene, peaceful, and contemplative. But Fisher-Price Perfect Fit, instead, is a putrid mess of no-fun anal excretion, a “game” that smells worse than your urine after eating a bunch of asparagus, and looks worse than one of those “weird part of YouTube” videos where people pop their giant zits.

Remind me, someday, to write my Top 100 List of Things More Fun Than Fisher-Price Perfect Fit.

... because it's FRICKING EVERYWHERE.

Hope you like that shade of blue...

Ugh. Ugh, ugh, ugh. Yuck. Stupid.

Oh, and to those of you out there (and I know you exist because you have contacted me in the past over such matters) who willingly defend “edu-tainment” games of this era, and believe they should not be judged so harshly for being children’s games, I say: 1) Your position is ridiculous and irrational. 2) I review video games. I utilize many criteria in my review, but not a single one of them involves “Meant for children, thus should be given a more lenient critique.” If a game sucks, it sucks. If it is ugly, it is ugly. If it is not fun, it is not fun, and should not be given a high score. Period. 3) See my Mario Is Missing blog post.

Nope.

Captivating stuff, eh?

Read The Full Review For: A breakdown of the available play modes, for the weirdo freaks out there who would care about such things.

NES Gameplay Tips for Fisher-Price Perfect Fit: Honestly? Listen, parents and potential parents, do you want to know how to teach your child valuable skills by playing NES games? Here is how you do it: Go read the list of NES games, and pick any game that does not have Fisher-Price in the title, then have the child play it. I guarantee you that it will do a better job.

Hurray?

Yay?

And although nobody asked for it, I even made a Let’s Play video! Featuring a fight to the death — LEGEND VS. ELECTRO in what may be my finest improvisational commentary work of all time:

3 Responses to “ Fisher-Price Perfect Fit ”

  1. This game is a true abomination in the NES library and I’m glad we can agree on it and its Fisher-Price brethren.

    Also, zit porn?… ewww.

  2. Rema Backer , on June 7th, 2012 at 8:33 am Said:

    Wow that was odd. I just wrote an incredibly long comment but after I clicked submit my comment didn’t appear. Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that over again. Anyways, just wanted to say superb blog!

  3. […] almost represents a competent composition. You can almost tell that this was not developed by Beam Software. The method for shifting gears in the side-view challenges almost makes sense. The team that […]

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