Alpha Mission



“This is an example of a game where nothing about it seems great and everything about it seems to have a problem.”
– from the full review.

What to say about Alpha Mission?

This is one of the video games I bought at Funcoland for a buck, brought home, tried it, disliked it, have not played very much since then, even after a couple unfortunate slogs to get as far as possible.

 

Ugh.

The instruction manual tries to act like these typos are intentional.

I have heard that this game has fans, especially in the hardcore shoot-’em-up community (yes, for those of you who don’t know, such a thing certainly exists), but I cannot understand the appeal. The whole exercise is slow, unfun, discouraging, dumb, and ugly. Even to defend it as more of a “tactical”-minded shmup, rather than a frenetically fast-paced one, will not work. Simple facts that the presence of power-downs (WHY IS THERE AN ITEM THAT SHOVES ME BACK TO AN EARLIER POINT IN THE LEVEL? WHY?!) and the constant flickering issues make the entire session a thorough waste of time.

The best I can concede is that it is not outright horrible, nor is it even the worst shooter on the NES. But there is no way I can see myself liking it, or considering it high-quality in some fashion. This is a game that aimed for “meh” and hit “yuck.”

Ugh.

"Gameplay."

Read The Full Review For: A more specific rundown of this game’s critical issues, basically, unfortunately. Also: Some of my better turns of phrase; or, at least, word groupings not likely to be found in any other review.

NES Gameplay Tips For Alpha Mission: Drink a lot of alcohol. Also: Shoot the enemies while avoiding being hit by anything. You’re welcome.

Ugh.

BIG SCARY BOSS FIGHT

One Response to “ Alpha Mission ”

  1. With your tips I know I’ll finally beat this game. Or just get drunk and assume I beat it. Brutal game–as fun as MagMax.

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