Seicross



Exciting, right? I know, it's almost overwhelming.

“Some obstacles are permanent, and cannot be destroyed, and kill the player if they are contacted by the bike. Other obstacles can be shot, until they change color, indicating that they are no longer deadly, and can now be driven (hovered?) through. Yet other obstacles will disappear completely if shot enough. Yet still other obstacles can be shot repeatedly and actually moved across the screen slightly with each shot.”
– from the full review, which you can read here
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You may be wondering: “Hey Eric, that publisher sounds familiar. FCI? What else did they make?”

The answer that rises to attention: Hydlide. This is not a good sign.

Excitebike... IN SPAAAAAAAACE! ... maybe! Who knows?!

Seicross is fricking random. Just chaos and arbitrary decisions all around. I tend to dislike a game for being so blatantly, utterly, absurdly random (well hello there, Alfred Chicken), but it can work out well, too. One example of a zany insane crazy-random game that I enjoy: Gun Nac.

But I would still put Seicross under those games, because of what I think is the difference: While randomness sometimes occurs by design, I think in Seicross it happened because they just kept adding crap until the end product no longer made sense.

Why are there spaceships alongside dinosaurs?

Even better, if not as humorous: Why do I have to keep track of my fuel? No, seriously: What gameplay benefit does that give? What enjoyment factor does that provide the player? The elements of tension and imminent danger are already in place from the enemies, projectiles, and obstacles strewn throughout. Why do I have to keep picking up fuel, too?

You could call it the Ghostbusters problem, I guess. Consider that, wow: When your game is compared to Hylide and Ghostbusters, you must have some serious issues. I repeat: Hydlide and Ghostbusters.

Did I rescue them or capture them? Does it matter? Convenient STOP lettering, anyway.

Yet people really seem to like this game! Yeah, Seicross. Go ahead and do some research. On the reviews page for this game at GameFAQs, there are three reviews listed. Out of a highest possible score of 10, the marks given to Seicross are 6, 8, and 9.

That is insane.

But, lo, next we observe the Honest Gamers page for Seicross on NES, a website full of reviews and other information on old titles. Here, we have two different whole reviews. Again, we are using an out-of-ten scale. And what scores do those two reviews give Seicross? An 8 and a 9.

That is mind-scratchingly bonkers. If you actually read the reviews, the reasoning is unclear for the high scores. The guy who gives the game an 8 admits that the game’s graphics are not good, the sound is bad, and the game is frustrating, but lol whatever.

Look, I am not saying that Seicross is horrible, but the bottom line is this: There should be a huge cavernous difference between a game that is consistently fun throughout and one that only sometimes reaches the level of being any fun at all.

By all my powers of observation, I can only deduce that Seicross is the latter.

Because, seriously, when you get a couple weapon upgrades and you’re blowing away robot dinosaurs across a grid-based alien landscape, it can be pretty cool.

Totally sucks the rest of the time, though.

Read The Full Review For: Humorous insults, a little history lesson, and some not-quite-complimentary game comparisons. I took off the Hat of Formality a bit for this one.

NES Gameplay Tips for Seicross: Yak sauce.

PEW PEW PEW

Screwed.

Alien robot dinosaurs, everyone. Alien robot dinosaurs.

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