What do we really know about Mario?

This is not mario.

This is not Mario.

Mario is someone. What do we know about him?

• I am fairly certain that Mario can count. If he can indeed count, I think he can count pretty high.

• Mario’s favorite color is probably not orange, but maybe it is?

• Mario has never once sent me a Christmas card.

• He has been linked to at least one princess, maybe others, and seems to have a thing for damsels in distress. Or are they in distress because of their relationship with him? That could be a possibility.

• He jumps, I guess? He owns a hammer at some point.

• Okay, so, Mario is widely regarded as some sort of extraordinary hero, this very powerful character who is able to fight any foe, even those considered quite strong. He wields a wealth of prior knowledge and experience, coupled with a formidable arsenal of what can only be rightly described as sorcery. Yet, despite his sterling, exceptional reputation, whenever he tries to actually do anything like drive a kart or play some tennis… he is utterly average. He is not remarkable in any way, nor even desirable in these scenarios.

• He is Italian, he belongs to a family, he says things like “Mama Mia!”

• Many have been him. Creepy.

Okay, so what do YOU know about Mario? Feel free to leave a tidbit in the comments! My name is Eric!


This is also not Mario.

This is also not Mario.



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